9 Signs You're Healing Your Anxious Attachment Style
Healing the anxious attachment style is a powerful and transformative—albeit challenging and confusing—journey. It’s natural to wonder if you're on the right path. To help you navigate this journey and recognize the signs of growth, I've compiled a list of nine indicators that you’re healing. Consider these as guideposts that you’re growing more secure, as they’re each a reflection of deeper emotional maturity.
Let’s dive in and explore what it looks like to move beyond insecurity and toward a place of emotional stability and confidence in your relationships.
Get a copy of my new book, Needy No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment.
9 Signs You’re Healing Your Anxious Attachment Style and Growing More Secure
1. You’re not as reactive.
One of the first signs you’re healing your anxious attachment style is that you're less reactive in your relationships. A regulated nervous system is flexible and open, and allows you to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively or defensively. When you respond from a conscious, curious place rather than from anxiety or fear, you know you're growing. This shift is foundational in developing a secure attachment style, and it’s a huge step forward in emotional regulation and self-awareness.
The more you practice remaining regulated, the more consistent your healing becomes.
2. You intentionally make different choices.
Healing your anxious attachment means becoming a "pattern interrupter." You begin to notice old patterns of thought and behavior and consciously choose a different, healthier response.
Whether it’s reframing a negative thought or resisting the urge to lash out when you feel abandoned, the ability to make intentional choices reflects growth. When you're able to act mindfully rather than automatically, you show that you're no longer living on autopilot or in a constant state of nervous system dysregulation.
With time, your emotions catch up, and these choices become a natural part of your life.
Check out my Anxious Attachment Style Healing Toolkit.
3. You’re more compassionate with yourself.
Self-compassion is a critical marker of healing your anxious attachment style. Anxiously attached individuals often struggle with self-criticism and internalized negative messages from the past.
As you heal, however, you begin to treat yourself with kindness and understanding, replacing harsh judgment with softness and gentleness. This shift is key to building self-worth and nurturing a secure attachment. Healing isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress, and practicing self-compassion is a vital part of that journey.
You can’t hate yourself into a healthier, more secure version of yourself. It just doesn’t work like that.
4. You don’t take things as personally.
One of the most freeing signs that you’re healing your anxious attachment is that you no longer take things personally. Ultimately, the beliefs and behaviors of others are a reflection of them, not of you. Experiencing this realization can change everything for an anxious attacher. Since many of us take things personally almost by default, one of the markers of growing more secure is refusing to take the thoughts and actions of others as a reflection of yourself.
One technique that can be really helpful in reinforcing this healing principle is the Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. Is someone intent on judging or criticizing you? Okay, let them. Is someone determined to misunderstand you, quick to label you, and dismissive of your feelings? Do not engage. Allow it. Let them. Is someone threatening to end your relationship or walk out of your life? Fine, let them. Their behavior externally only provides clarity about what’s happening for them internally. It has far less to do with you than you think.
You know you’re on the healing path when this sinks in, when you no longer react as intensely or take things as personally. Embrace it. Don’t make things about you. Trust me when I say that this is incredibly freeing.
And a sign of growth.
5. You’re able to laugh at life.
Laughter is a powerful indicator of emotional healing. When you're able to laugh at the challenges life throws your way, it shows that you're no longer in a constant state of hypervigilance or emotional dysregulation. Humor allows you to take life less seriously and roll with the punches, reducing the intensity of difficult emotions.
Healing your anxious attachment style enables you to find lightness in moments of stress, bringing ease into your relationships and your life. The ability to laugh at life shows that you’ve let go of unnecessary emotional weight and that you're embracing the flow of life.
6. You take your time.
Slowing down and taking your time is another sign of healing. When you're healing an anxious attachment style, you become more in tune with your needs and more comfortable going at your own pace.
Rushing is often a sign of nervous system dysregulation, but when you allow yourself to move through life without urgency, you give yourself permission to be present and grounded. This shift toward patience and self-compassion means that you're no longer driven by anxiety, and you're learning to listen to your body and trust your instincts. Taking your time allows you to cultivate emotional balance and peace.
7. You experience glimmers.
Glimmers are small, positive moments of joy and connection. Unlike triggers, which remind you of past pain, glimmers are reminders of present happiness and healing. As you heal your anxious attachment style, you begin to notice these glimmers more often. Whether it's a moment of laughter with a friend, a peaceful walk in nature, or singing your favorite song, these moments are a sign that you're emotionally expanding and becoming more attuned to the positive aspects of your life. Glimmers help you embrace the present, fostering a deeper sense of peace and contentment.
8. You know that challenging feelings and experiences won’t last.
Healing from anxious attachment means recognizing that all feelings are temporary. You’ve learned that challenging emotions, while uncomfortable, are not permanent. Instead of getting overwhelmed by anxiety or fear, you accept that these feelings will eventually pass. This understanding is incredibly empowering because it helps you stay calm and grounded during moments of stress. Embodying this mindset allows you to ride the emotional waves without getting swept away, demonstrating your emotional maturity and resilience.
Healing gives you the clarity to know that "this too shall pass."
9. You face things head on.
A hallmark of secure attachment is the ability to face difficult emotions and conversations directly. Instead of avoiding confrontation or acting out passively, you now address challenges openly and honestly. You communicate your feelings, set boundaries, and ask for what you need. This directness is a sign of emotional growth and maturity. When you’re able to confront discomfort head-on, you demonstrate your evolving sense of self-worth and emotional security. Facing your fears and expressing yourself authentically is a powerful sign that you’re on the path to secure attachment.
For more resources on healing anxious attachment, explore my other blog posts:
Getting the Help You Need on Your Healing Journey From Anxious Attachment
If you’ve ever felt the constant pull of doubt in your relationships—wondering if your partner truly loves you, or fearing that they’ll abandon you—you’re not alone. These intense feelings are telltale signs that you’re struggling with an anxious attachment style, which can make even the strongest and most secure relationships feel fragile and uncertain.
But what if there was a way to finally break free from this cycle? What if you could experience the peace of mind that comes with secure, trusting connections—once and for all? What if your healing was only one choice away?
It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that these feelings of insecurity are just "part of who you are." But that couldn’t be further from the truth. The truth is that attachment styles are learned behaviors—patterns formed in early life that can be unlearned and brain pathways that can be rewired. With the right guidance and support, you can reshape your emotional responses and build a new, secure foundation for yourself. As a coach, I specialize in helping individuals just like you reclaim their confidence, understand the deeper roots of their anxious attachment style, and develop healthier, more resilient ways of connecting with others.
Through our work together, you’ll gain clarity on the underlying causes of your anxious attachment and learn tools to manage and transform it. We’ll work on strategies to help you regulate your emotions, challenge unhelpful beliefs, and develop stronger communication skills. You’ll also discover how to cultivate a sense of self-love and self-compassion that will not only improve your relationships with others but also your relationship with yourself. Imagine what it would feel like to let go of constant worry and fear of abandonment, and instead, step into relationships where you feel secure, grounded, and valued.
If you’re ready to start this transformative journey, I’d be honored to join you. Scheduling a consultation is the first step towards freeing yourself from the grip of anxious attachment and creating the kind of secure, joyful relationships you deserve. You don’t have to navigate this path alone. Together, we’ll explore where you are now, where you want to be, and how to get there. Healing your anxious attachment style is possible, and it starts with taking that courageous first step. Reach out today using the module below, and let’s begin the empowering process of growth and self-discovery.